Has your child suddenly decided they don’t want to go to kindergarten? Don’t ignore it—this could be a "cry for help."

Xiao Li’s son is currently in his second year of kindergarten. Like most children, he cried and fussed when he first started, but after about two months, he adjusted to kindergarten life—eventually growing to love it so much that he would insist on being the first one to arrive every morning.

However, just two months into the current school year, the boy—who had previously been so happy to go to school—suddenly began crying and saying he didn’t want to go anymore. After much questioning, it was revealed that he was being criticized by his teacher for eating too slowly.

When a child who once loved kindergarten suddenly refuses to go, it is highly likely that they have experienced something unpleasant there—something that has left them with negative feelings. Among such experiences, one of the most damaging is being subjected to "emotional neglect" or "cold violence" (a form of psychological mistreatment) at the kindergarten.

I. Common forms of "cold violence" in kindergarten

In a kindergarten setting, children are most susceptible to the following three types of "cold violence."

1. Differential treatment

Some children—perhaps due to weaker self-care skills or physical impairments—may be looked down upon by their teachers and subjected to differential treatment.

There was a case reported online involving a five-year-old girl named Xiao Qian. At age four, she was diagnosed with a language impairment; after six months of rehabilitation, her parents enrolled her in a kindergarten class.

Not long after starting, Xiao Qian suddenly refused to go to school. After failing to get an answer from her daughter, her mother checked the school’s surveillance footage—and was left absolutely furious by what she saw.

The footage showed that while the other children began their lunch shortly after 11:00 AM, the teacher didn’t provide Xiao Qian with a bowl of food until 12:09 PM—and, to make matters worse, she was given no side dishes.

Just imagine: when a child is subjected to this kind of differential treatment by a teacher, how could they possibly enjoy being at kindergarten? 2. Being Reprimanded

When a child makes a mistake, some teachers may lose their composure and resort to verbal reprimands—calling the child "stupid" or "an idiot," for example. Such labels not only invite mockery from peers but also instill a sense of inferiority in the child, leading them to avoid school altogether.

Take the case of Xiao Lin’s daughter, Duoduo. During lunch at kindergarten, she vomited, dirtying both her own clothes and the floor. Upon seeing this, the teacher scolded her: "How can you be so stupid? Don't you know to go to the restroom if you're going to throw up?" From that point on, Duoduo began making a scene every day, refusing to go to kindergarten.

3. Being Ostracized

Most teachers prefer well-behaved, obedient children, while those who are mischievous or troublesome often fall out of favor. When such children act out and refuse to listen, some teachers may take the lead in ostracizing them, signaling to the other children that they should not play with them.

This kind of exclusion makes a child feel completely out of place in their environment, causing them significant psychological harm.

Is your child suddenly refusing to go to kindergarten? Don’t ignore it—it could be a sign that they are...

II. How to Identify If a Child Is Experiencing "Emotional Mistreatment" (Silent Abuse)

Young children in kindergarten often lack the verbal ability to explain such situations to their parents. However, you can look for the following signs to determine if your child is being subjected to this form of "silent abuse" (or "cold violence"):

1. A child who previously enjoyed kindergarten suddenly begins crying and refusing to go, yet cannot—or will not—explain why.

2. A sudden shift in the child’s personality: they may become timid and withdrawn, or conversely, irritable and prone to outbursts.

3. The child shows strong aversion or reluctance to answer when asked about what happens at kindergarten.

III. How Should Parents Respond?

Discovering that your child has been subjected to "silent abuse" or "cold violence" at kindergarten naturally triggers a strong sense of anger. However, beyond our own feelings of anger, our primary responsibility is to help our child resolve the issue promptly, thereby minimizing the harm caused by this form of "silent" mistreatment (or social exclusion). Here are some ways to approach the situation:

First, provide immediate comfort to your child and help them move past any lingering distress. Remind them that no one is perfect, and that we cannot expect everyone to treat us well. Reassure them that, no matter what happens, you and the other parent are there to face it with them—and that you will always love them.

Does your child suddenly refuse to go to kindergarten? Don’t overlook this; it could be a sign that they are...

Next, consider speaking with the teacher. You might start by gently verifying the situation—for example, by asking: "My child has suddenly started resisting kindergarten; has anything happened at school recently?" This approach can prompt the teacher to pay closer attention or reflect on their own conduct.

Of course, if the teacher is difficult to communicate with or remains indifferent, you may need to request a change of class or even consider moving your child to a different kindergarten.